https://esoterical.writeas.com/ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. <br>personal thoughts and philosophy in the 21st century <br> . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. Wed, 23 Sep 2026 22:05:42 +0000 https://i.snap.as/ruLGf72D.png https://esoterical.writeas.com/ https://esoterical.writeas.com/i-oscillate-regularly-from-one-extreme-to-the-next-there-is-no-in-between?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA[I oscillate regularly from one extreme to the next, there is no in between. Whether it lasts for a few hours or a few days, even a few weeks, my optimistic outlook shatters in an instant. Was it because my clothes were too tight, which made me feel disgusting and re-triggered my body dysmorphia? Or was it due to the overstimulation of the world, or understimulation of mundane work activities? It could be a combination of everything, which is what I tend to subscribe to. All these factors mixed together leads to my breaking points, which are inevitable. Though I understand the inevitability of mood swings, I loathe them with every fiber of my existence. I become disappointed, disillusioned to the point I can see nothing but negativity in front of me. Woe is me, blackness and doom I have succumbed to. There are two versions of me akin to Jekyll and Hyde. They fight with each other for control over my personality. Who will take over and prevail for long enough to color my experiences? One is kindhearted, compassionate and understanding. The other repeats nothing but expletives and death wishes. I suppose there is the third version, which is my higher self witnessing it all happen in real time, calmly longing for resolution she knows will come sooner or later because this oscillation is ingrained and predictable. She patiently waits for the two to cease fighting. She is always ready to pick up where we left off: motivated, inspired, intuitively caring for me through stasis. How do I return to her? The only way is through. I have only ever seen the journey through the highs and the lows. There is no stopping. I have seen the return to myself time after time, yet my ego demands and directs my attention on the turmoil. I wish I could turn it off, this oscillating ebb and flow of emotions. If there was an off switch though, I doubt I'd use it. I wouldn't learn very much about myself if I played the good girl all the time. There is no light without darkness. So I play in the dark precariously and somehow... I make it out every single time. I am never the same, and I wouldn't want to be either. The change is deliciously uncomfortable and I wear it on my sleeve.]]> I oscillate regularly from one extreme to the next, there is no in between. Whether it lasts for a few hours or a few days, even a few weeks, my optimistic outlook shatters in an instant. Was it because my clothes were too tight, which made me feel disgusting and re-triggered my body dysmorphia? Or was it due to the overstimulation of the world, or understimulation of mundane work activities? It could be a combination of everything, which is what I tend to subscribe to. All these factors mixed together leads to my breaking points, which are inevitable. Though I understand the inevitability of mood swings, I loathe them with every fiber of my existence. I become disappointed, disillusioned to the point I can see nothing but negativity in front of me. Woe is me, blackness and doom I have succumbed to. There are two versions of me akin to Jekyll and Hyde. They fight with each other for control over my personality. Who will take over and prevail for long enough to color my experiences? One is kindhearted, compassionate and understanding. The other repeats nothing but expletives and death wishes. I suppose there is the third version, which is my higher self witnessing it all happen in real time, calmly longing for resolution she knows will come sooner or later because this oscillation is ingrained and predictable. She patiently waits for the two to cease fighting. She is always ready to pick up where we left off: motivated, inspired, intuitively caring for me through stasis. How do I return to her? The only way is through. I have only ever seen the journey through the highs and the lows. There is no stopping. I have seen the return to myself time after time, yet my ego demands and directs my attention on the turmoil. I wish I could turn it off, this oscillating ebb and flow of emotions. If there was an off switch though, I doubt I'd use it. I wouldn't learn very much about myself if I played the good girl all the time. There is no light without darkness. So I play in the dark precariously and somehow... I make it out every single time. I am never the same, and I wouldn't want to be either. The change is deliciously uncomfortable and I wear it on my sleeve.

]]> https://esoterical.writeas.com/i-oscillate-regularly-from-one-extreme-to-the-next-there-is-no-in-between Wed, 23 Sep 2026 19:11:24 +0000